The Patterdale Hall Diaries | Pungent effluent

• By Guest Contributor
• Published: May 21, 2026

• No Comments

By Chris Wyatt

Feb. 14, 2026

Well, that was a simply dreadful week.

Our sewer pipe in Yellow Springs backed up again and, for the second time since we have been here, raw sewage exploded out of the downstairs toilet. This time it was triggered by me emptying the bath upstairs without knowing the pipe was blocked. Last time the sump pump caused the effluent to fountain out of the toilet.

AC Service was summoned and Tyler promptly snaked the pipe. Alas, this was to no avail, the pipe remained blocked. The cause was simple, yet traumatic: The main sewer lateral in Elm Street was blocked and had frozen. This was a job for the Village crew.

Strictly, the sewer laterals are the homeowner’s responsibility, but the crew needed to find where the block was to determine what should be done. They broke the ice with spades and steel rods, then sucked all the sewage out and fired high pressure water down there. Fortunately for us, the block cleared and the crew left. Clearing blocked sewers isn’t the high-profile danger job like electrical, but it’s pretty important, and the Village crew were very efficient.

Our sewage pipe was still blocked.

Luckily Tyler was only five minutes away and popped ‘round to snake the pipe again. Bingo, it cleared, and Karen no longer had to poop in Kroger bags. Happy Valentine’s Day, love.

Then Karen snapped a molar off at the base and had to have emergency dental surgery to remove the roots. There was much sadness, but very little gnashing of teeth.

Feb. 16, 2026

Then she broke a second tooth on Valentine’s Day. I swear I’m not feeding her rocks.

Feb. 21, 2026

I taught about stress this week. Students get pretty stressed, and most haven’t developed coping mechanisms yet. For me finding time has always been the most important thing when dealing with stress. We can identify the stressors, but often we can’t do anything about them. Working to find time to do things that mitigate the stressors seems to be critical for me.

Can I get up earlier so I can spend a bit of time with my wee dog before work? Sure I can, I just go to bed a bit earlier.

I love cooking and so make batches of delicious food at the weekend, freeze it in bags, and then I can take it to work. That way I have tasty, home-made lunches at work rather than the worst sandwich in the world or expensive “to-go” food.

Learning to find time took me a while. It doesn’t matter what you do with the time, as long as it’s something you find rewarding. The list of rewarding things varies from person to person. Patterdale Hall and the little dog have been very useful de-stressors in my life, and my life would be utterly different without them.

Temperatures are now back above freezing and so I shall head to the Hall and build a cozy fire. We haven’t spent much time out there over the last month as it has been so very cold. Aside from emptying mouse traps every week, nobody has been out there at all. I think that will change as the temperature moves above freezing, and we can put the water back on.

Feb. 22, 2026

Hurrah! Snow again this morning. It really has been a proper winter this year. We kept a fire in all day yesterday, and Bob kept it going through the evening and into the night. I’ll need to split more kindling, but that shouldn’t be difficult as we only have a light dusting of snow. A job for later though, as I need to get chores done at home.

Feb. 23, 2026

A day of interviewing medicinal chemistry professor applicants. Should be interesting. I shall report back.

Later

It went poorly.

Feb. 28, 2026

I spent a lovely night at the Hall. The fire was in, I had a bag of crab rangoons and a good zombie novel — “The Girl with all the Gifts” by MR Carey.

First order of business was to evict two noisy little wrens who had taken up residence in the great room. I opened the window at the top of the stairs and the kitchen door, then wandered around a bit while shouting encouraging expletives. Mr. Wren left through the window and Mrs. Wren left through the open door.

I am essentially a swearier version of St. Francis of Assisi.

I put the water back into the house, as it now looks like we will avoid extended periods of brutally low temperatures. However, this reintroduction of water caused the shower head to explode and water went everywhere. We will need a little bit of teamwork to assess what is going on and then, after a poorly defined period of umming and ahhhing, a plumber.

I should retrain as a plumber when I retire. “Problems with your pipes? Call the doctor.”

March 1, 2026

The showerhead didn’t explode. Upon closer inspection a copper pipe has become unmoored in the shower cubicle. It will need to either be capped or plumbed back in. A simple job, but beyond this electrophysiologist’s abilities. I’ll call in YS Greene during the week, and Matt can fix it.

When I blew the water out of the pipes I forgot about the line to the shower, lesson learned. We never use the shower anyway and so there is no trauma. We do use the toilet though, so the pipe needs to be mended before The Hall is livable again.

Two milk crates of starter wood are now split ready for spring break fires to defeat the endless rain forecasted. Ugh.

*Originally from Manchester, England, Chris Wyatt is an associate professor of neuroscience, cell biology and physiology at Wright State University. He has lived in Yellow Springs for 19 years, is  married and has two children and an insane Patterdale terrier. “The Patterdale Hall Diaries,” by Chris Wyatt, is now available in book format via Amazon for $11.99.

• Comments
• |
• Login
• |
• Community Standards
• |
• Help

No comments yet for this article.