April Fools!
Tucker, resident newshound, is too stricken to offer his opinion, though because he is News staff, he's not allowed to give it anyway.

Tucker, resident newshound, is too stricken to offer his opinion, though because he is News staff, he's not allowed to give it anyway.

‘We’re hounded by tree loss,’ say some villagers

Over the past few years, the loss of trees throughout the village, whether due to poor health or to make way for the progress of a growing village, has been the cause of much contention and unrest. For village dogs, however, the loss is not only cause for concern or sorrow, but a drastic impact on their day-to-day lives.

Duchess has been living in Yellow Springs for five years. “I was born right down the street from here on a bundle of towels in a garage,” says the German shepherd. “Lived here my whole life, and it seems like every day when I go out for a walk, there are fewer trees. And I just think to myself, ‘Another one down; one less place I can do my business.’”

Oreo, a Pomeranian/Maltese, agrees. “These days, sometimes you have to walk a whole block before you can find a good place to ‘go.’ I’m very outraged about this, okay, but that’s all I can say right now, because it turns out I have to go and chase this chipmunk I just saw over there.”

Local veterinarian Ken Eyne says that the issues surrounding the diminishing local flora could also have long-term effects on its local fauna. “There’s just no good way to say it,” he opines. “What can’t go out, must stay in. And if you keep it in long enough, that’s when you start to have bladder problems. If we keep losing trees around here, we’re going to have a veritable epidemic of over-stretched bladders.

Longtime canine villager Sandy, of indeterminate breed, feels that the issue is more about aversion to diversity. “You know, a few years ago, somebody suggested a dog park, but that got shot down pretty quick. There was a lot of ‘not in my backyard’ going on back then, but without a dog park and with the trees disappearing, your backyard is about the only place we can go anymore. I mean, and your front yard.”

Wrinkles, a pug who just moved to town a few months ago, has a more optimistic outlook on the situation, and tries to assure her canine comrades: “Look, it’s not like they’ll be gone forever. We’ll get new ones, alright? It’s like, they literally grow on trees.”

But Pekingese Peanut doesn’t see the prospects as quite so bright. “Sure, they’ll plant new trees, but they’re really not big enough to do the job until they’re nice and grown. When will that be? 20 years? 30? This is dog years we’re talking about; I’ll be a couple hundred years old by then. I’m house trained and all, but I just don’t think I can hold it that long.”

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